Having the opportunity write a sports column for an exciting new outlet like 256 Today, run by some of the smartest and most engaging people I know, is something I plan to take seriously with my writing partner and co-host Matt Hankins. If you’re looking for headlines that are written simply to annoy you into clicking on a link, keep scrolling.
Just kidding. We’re here to have fun. Here are five reasons why the Iron Bowl should be dissolved.
We all know what the Iron Bowl is. I’m not going to do what so many bloggers do and tell you the history of chicken when all you want to know is how long to leave your leftovers in an air fryer. The Iron Bowl is a source of both pride and consternation for us all. Let’s get rid of it. Why?
- Because Auburn belongs in the East.
They do. It’s pretty simple. Half the college football world thinks they’re in Georgia. With the coming conference expansion, there is a perfect opportunity coming to place Auburn and Alabama in opposing divisions or different pods. Regardless of your Alabama, Auburn or otherwise fandom, wouldn’t this be a refreshing change of pace?
- Because its stakes are higher off the field than they are on the field.
It always feels like there is plenty on the line when the Iron Bowl comes around, but is there really? How much differently would the result of Alabama and Auburn’s respective seasons look like each team played another SEC East team or someone like TCU or UCLA? Probably the same. Aside from the Kick Six game, the Iron Bowl hasn’t been the play-in game for the National Championship year-in and year-out that we all hoped for.
- Because it’s decreasing our life span with dumb final scores.
30-12? 55-44? These aren’t football scores – they’re final tallies in a game of cricket. I think. I don’t know. My brain files a restraining order against me any time I try to understand that game.
- Because it’ll reduce dad jokes across the state.
If the Iron Bowl is dissolved and the two teams play each other less frequently, think of how much harder it will be to make dad jokes about the rivalry. There will be economic consequences of this, however. The “House Divided” license plate industry will undoubtedly crater. I didn’t say there wouldn’t be sacrifices to be made.
- Because no one likes the Iron Bowl.
Seriously. We all know it. It’s not enjoyable. I have a friend who drives around the city during the game because it’s the only way he knows how to escape it. If your team wins, it’s fine. That’s to be expected, right? If your team loses, it’s an unmitigated disaster and you’d trade every good memory you’ve ever had just to re-play the game. All because we make this stupid game more important than it really is.
After presenting this rock-solid case, I expect a seismic shift in the Southeastern Conference and college football as a whole. If you haven’t gotten enough of this idea, please take a listen at an expanded discussion on dissolving the Iron Bowl below.
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